I should have done this a long time ago, done a letter each year of your life to open when you’re 18 because I will not be able to express to you when you’re older just how much you mean to me as a little girl.
All mothers love their children, of course they do, but the bond we have makes me amazed that such a feeling of love can exist.
You’re at school now, and I just know that you will be able to do anything you want. You’re clever and you’re popular and you’re kind and generous – in fact everything that I had ever hoped for in a child I have in you.
It fills me with delight that you want to learn, that you love the same things I do – writing, reading, history and Harry Potter! Your imagination is second to none. Today you have gone to school pretending to be Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. Last term you wanted to be Professor Lupin – and your teachers called you Professor Lupin for an entire day!
You love playing football with your Daddy and it makes me so happy watching through the window whilst you and Daddy play in the garden.
I know you desperately want to be a big sister but it looks like that isn’t going to happen. But to make up for it we will give you the world. Every minute of my time will be yours, little girl. Far from it being a negative I am so looking forward to special “girls” days as you get older – trips to the cinema, bowling, visiting museums. We WILL have a blast. You don’t know it yet but we have booked to take you to Euro Disney in June – I cannot wait to see your face when you realise where you are. The weekend will be yours – to choose what we do.
I will be there to hold your hand when you run, pick you up when you fall, cuddle you when you are sad. I will be there to encourage you to do things you’re worried about, to stand behind you when you’re nervous. You still need me to help you go to sleep and do you know what? That is ok – as long as you need me, whatever you need me for I will be there. In the future when you’re taking your first steps as an adult I will be there as I was when you took your first steps as a toddler – letting you go, giving you your independence but always there to right the wobbles and the times you need a bit of help.
Nothing could have prepared me for the changes to my life becoming a mother made. But in amongst the warnings of sleepless nights and loss of spontaneity and lack of time to be me not one person told me it was amazing, it was wonderful. I gave up my career without a second thought to spend time with you and not once have I regretted it – for the first three years of your life we spent every day together and that is so precious, how could I regret?
You are everything to me and I love you more than I could say.
Be happy always darling girl
Love your mummy