So it was party weekend, this weekend. We duly trotted off to the party, which was a 4th birthday party for one of E's classmates so the average age of attendee was 3/4.
The party begins with lovely songs and dancing, all the children playing together. Then it's time for the "Entertainer" (and I must stress here how I am using that one in its loosest possible form). He asked all the children to sit down, then started doing his thang.
Problem number one: entertainer smacks himself in the face with a diablo, busting his lip. Well you would have thought he'd ruptured his spleen the way he was carrying on. He kept wiping it on his hands and showing the children, swilling his mouth out and spitting it out and then insisted on an ice pack for his face
Problem number two: he brought out a fake pair of giant scissors and was putting them around his neck, around his wrists and pretending to cut. Now that may be funny to an older audience but to a group of impressionable pre-schoolers? Not so much.
Problem number three: The music. Oh god my ears. He started a dancing competition with the instruction "listen to the words of the song and see if you can dance to it". He then played My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas. Now as a parent I'm pretty darn laid back but I do not want my four year old gyrating to the immortal lyrics "What you gon' do with all that ass/All that ass inside them jeans?/I'm a make, make, make, make you scream/Make you scream, make you scream." and "The boys they wanna sex me./They always standing next to me,/Always dancing next to me,/Tryin' a feel my hump, hump/Lookin' at my lump, lump"
Added to the above a general inability to deal with small children, screaming at them, manhandling them. Just awful, I felt so sorry for the lovely mother of the birthday girl.
Needless to say when he said "If anyone needs an entertainer for their party please come and take a leaflet" we ran, ran like the wind away from the horror.